The Gospel of Handshake (abridged version)
There was the first block, the Genesis Block, and it was good.
On that day, block 615817, the five Handshake apostles prayed to our lord and savior, Satoshi (Peace be on Him), who gave birth to Handshake. From the darkness came hashing power and so there was light.
The five apostles Christopher, Joseph, Andrew, Boyma and Andrew looked upon their creation and rejoiced, for it was good and it was well funded. The apostles spread the word about Handshake to the FLOSS masses. The people only had to hold out their PGP bowls in the Temple of GitHub and they would be filled with airdropped HNS. Soon the underpaid developers hearts were filled with joy for this crypto blessing.
It was upon hearing the truth of Handshake, that Tieshun found his calling. He ended his mortal schooling, and with Anthony, began to spread the teachings of Handshake far and wide by founding NameBase. To bring the commandments and TLDs of NameBase to the great unwashed a prophet soon appeared. His name was JohnnyWu (Bless'd be His name) and he came from Y'allweh. JohnnyWu (Bless'd be His name) taught the people the ways of NameBase and the testaments of Handshake from his House of Discord. He earned the respect of all those who surrounded him for his humility and knowledge. Disciples such as dees soon followed JohnnyWu (Bless'd be His name), enlightening namers with fairness and truth.
And so it was using the great two-sided sword of Handshake and NameBase, that the people, cut off the tyrannical CA shackles and unjust taxation of ICANN so they all could became Directors in a decentralized Internet. They were finally free to own their own TLD, and even reap and sow its SLDs for profit if they chose.
With the adoption of Handshake, peace and prosperity spread across the namespace of the Internet and everyone was happy.
* Fun Fact *
Even today, people everywhere celebrate Handshake by planting a Urkel Tree from a DNS Root just the way it was done so long ago.